


One and Only

by heartlessknight



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Guys this is crazy, HyungWonho - Freeform, M/M, Minor Character Death, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 09:51:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12628353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartlessknight/pseuds/heartlessknight
Summary: "You wouldn't notice him. He is so normal with his ordinary brown hair, with his common haircut that you've seen everywhere. You wouldn't notice him because his eyes are brown too and nobody pays attention to brown eyes anymore. They're so typical. After all, Hoseok doesn't think is polite to ignore regular people. He would notice him. That's why he's walking straight to this guy. He's lucky somebody is actually giving him attention."-A love which ends up being not common at all.





	One and Only

You wouldn't notice him.  
He is so anonymous wearing only a white shirt and a pair of faint jeans. You wouldn't notice him. He's not smiling at all, his slender figure is standing there, waiting for somebody to come and greet him, explaining him how this lifeless office works.

You wouldn't notice him. He is so normal with his ordinary brown hair, with his common haircut that you've seen everywhere. You wouldn't notice him because his eyes are brown too and nobody pays attention to brown eyes anymore. They're so typical. After all, Hoseok doesn't think is polite to ignore regular people. He would notice him. That's why he's walking straight to this guy. He's lucky somebody is actually giving him attention.

Hoseok introduces himself with a giant grin on his face to make the other feel comfortable. He doesn't react. He just hangs his head as a sign of respect. Hoseok tries to make him laugh with some bad jokes to cut the tension and he can see how the boy is giving up. A soft smile lights his expression.

The boy's name is Chae Hyungwon and Hoseok asks him if he's from Seoul. Hyungwon replys saying is from the suburb area and he's never been there, where the city really lives. Hyungwon is an information technology engineer and he has finally found a job. Hoseok makes him experience a tour of the building which is not so remarkable but its twenty floors are enough to make his employers feel a little bit important. Hyungwon doesn't seem surprised even if he has probably never seen a skyscraper, confined in the peripheral zone of this modern piece of Korea.

Hyungwon's desk is right next to his one. Hoseok is kinda happy. This new worker looks cool. Maybe too discreet for his tastes but he loves a challenge.

-

It's lunch time and Hoseok asks Hyungwon if he wants to eat with him and his friends. Hoseok adds that he's a newbie and declining an invitation from one of his oldest colleagues is not so convenient. Hyungwon nods and follows him to the fast-food down the street. Hyungwon is shy when Hoseok makes him meet his friends. They all look at him with curiosity. They haven't noticed him behind Hoseok at first.

"I'm Minhyuk! Lee Minhyuk! Being new is difficult, but feel free to talk with us. Don't worry, we're not judging you."

One of is friend says grinning like he always does. Minhyuk is so cheerful and he has a talent for making people feel better. Hyungwon seems to get his advice and suddenly he starts to talk more. Hoseok has never seen him being so calm and friendly. He's actually speechless when Hyungwon makes a joke and he's even more amazed when he talks about his own life.

About how he got the job, about how he chose to become an engineer. Hoseok is pleasantly astonished when Hyungwon touches his hand under the table writing a silent thank you on his skin. His friends seem to like him. Shownu even asks for his number to get some suggestions about how he should dress since Hyungwon seems to be very into fashion.

Hyungwon likes reading and Hoseok notices it because his stack of books on his desk keeps growing every day. Hyungwon loves literature and Hoseok thinks he had seen him crying on an open page. He didn't ask why he cried. He didn't want to look invasive.

One day Hoseok gives him a book as a gift. Hyungwon thanks him even if he seems embarrassed. He's visibly blushing but Hoseok is glowing. He likes Hyungwon and he's proud he made him flush.

Every day Hoseok brings him coffee and every day Hyungwon's face paints red. During an afternoon shift, Hyungwon thanks Hoseok again because he's never had a friend before. Hoseok's heart breaks a bit. If he had known, he would have been there for Hyungwon ages ago. He can't think about him being neglected, about him being completely alone.

"Since we're friends, you can call me Wonho!"

He says and Hyungwon now is smiling for real. A huge and a warm smile. Wonho is happy because he's the only one who is witnessing this work of art.

It's almost been two months since Hyungwon has started working there and Hoseok is nervous.

Changkyun is planning an Halloween party and he wants to invite Hyungwon. It's weird because Hyungwon does know about the party, but Wonho wants them to go to the party together. It sounds like a date in his mind and probably it is, that's why he's so twitchy.

Hyungwon is reading a book, as usual, and Hoseok is staring at him wondering if he can just ask him or if he should wait. Hyungwon maybe feels as if under observation because he speaks so clearly that Wonho jumps, caught in the act.

"You've got something to ask me, right?"

He's so confident. When did he become like that? He was so introverted. He was always afraid of saying the wrong thing. Now he's fierce in his suit and he's crossing his legs so elegantly, still looking at his book pages. Hoseok is mumbling disconnected words.

"What if... I mean, the party, we may go together. It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want to. I'm totally cool with it even if I had thought about a date honestly. I don't want this to be rushed, you're here since September, I'm aware of it, but..."

Hyungwon laughs and he closes his book. He puts it on the top of the growing pile and he locks his eyes with Hoseok's ones. Wonho is made of jellybeans. He thanks God he's sitting on a chair because he knows his legs aren't really there to support his shaking body. His heart is racing the run of his life because it's already fluttering out of his chest. Maybe Hyungwon is holding it. Maybe his cardiac muscle is safe or it's in danger in the other's hands.

"I want it to be a date."

His heart is safe. He does not have to feel anxious.

The weekend comes soon and Hoseok is not ready for his appointment with the demon. Well, he isn't a demon because he told Wonho he's going to dress up like a vampire, but since he's feeling like his soul is already been sold then he's sure he's a demon.

"Don't be so tensed." Kihyun is telling him. "I don't think it's worth it."

"What do you mean?" Hoseok asks. He doesn't get the point of his friend's statement.

"I don't trust him."

Hoseok blinks and then he opens his eyes wide. Kihyun is probably exaggerating. Hoseok has the intention to know Hyungwon better. It doesn't matter what other people will say.

"Why are you saying so?"

"It's a feeling."

Hoseok drops the conversation because he doesn't want to argue about this particular argument. He's not going to change his mind.  
When the yearned date comes Hoseok is first of all annoyed because his car stopped working a few minutes before he was going to pick Hyungwon up. He's looking up at the sky blaming himself for being such a loser. His ringtone suddenly breaks the silence of the night.

> Hyungwon (09.55 p.m.)
> 
> Leave the car and come with this vampire.

Hyungwon is looking at him, laughing. Hoseok doesn't understand how he found him so he genuinely asks. Hyungwon answers saying that he lives inside his same building and he discovered it only when he heard Hoseok's car dying making fastidious sounds.

Hoseok laughs and the two of them go to the party walking under the stars talking about work and stuff.

After a bunch of hours Hoseok finds himself against the wall of Changkyun's bathroom. Hyungwon locked the door and he's now hopelessly devoted to his pale neck. Hoseok moans every time he reaches a sensitive spot. Hyungwon's kisses go from his neck to his lips and Hoseok just opens his mouth to let Hyungwon's tongue please his. He's so good Hoseok thinks he will end up with an addiction. His skin is red because of Hyungwon's lipstick and his shirt is almost completely ripped off. Hoseok makes a muffled scream when Hyungwon reaches his weaker nipple. He just laps at it with his tongue making Wonho frustrated. He can't do anything to resist him. When Hyungwon falls on his knees Wonho is already intoxicated. The guy takes off his belt with a quick gesture of the hand and he starts to massage his erection slowly. Hoseok can't think straight. He's overwhelmed and he's clearly not able to create an intelligent thought. He keeps moaning harder and when Hyungwon covers his whole sex with the warmth of his mouth, Hoseok is far from being lucid. He just feels that damn tongue playing with him and he's glad he's holding on to the wall because his body is no more able to hold him up. He's a shapeless mass of convulsions caused by pleasure. He touches Hyungwon's hair to be sure he's not living a dream. When the orgasm comes, Hyungwon laughs again. Hoseok lets himself fall down.

"I hope you liked it."

Hyungwon says with a naive and innocent expression which is not suitable for what they just did. Then he kisses Wonho gently on his lips. Such a delicate contact which makes Hoseok feel even more euphoric.

"Too early to say I love you?" He claims enthusiastic.

Hyungwon is flattered and he's blushing again.

"You're so cute when you blush. I'd like to eat your sweet face."

Hyungwon lets himself be kissed this time.  
The party keeps going and Hoseok is having fun with Hyungwon and his friends. He is so gleeful seeing all the people he loves having fun with each other. Minhyuk is dancing with Hyungwon now and he keeps stealing his vampire teeth from him. Hoseok is amused while he's drinking totally relaxed.

"What happened to you? You look a mess!" Jooheon states looking at him.

Hoseok can't help but smirking. Jooheon still doesn't get it so Hoseok points to Hyungwon in the middle of the room.

Jooheon spreads his eyes, shocked.

"I hope to have the same luck with Changkyun."  
Now is Hoseok's turn to be shocked. He tries to ask for explanations but it's too late. Jooheon is already dancing with Changkyun too close to be just friendly.

When Wonho starts drinking more, his senses abandone his consciousness. He sees shadows and shapes but he can't see anything more. As soon as he recollects his mind, he's alone. Hyungwon isn't there. He spots only Kihyun kissing a stranger. He thinks so. He soon recognise Shownu in that stranger. Surprised, he decides it's time to leave. He's confused and lost. Alcohol is some evil garbage. He thinks that every time he gets drunk.

Heading to home alone, he thinks about Hyungwon. Where is he? Why he left? Miraculously he gets home. He's about to unlock his door until he hears footsteps. Hyungwon appears. Shaken and breathing heavily.

"What's going on?" Wonho asks still perplexed because of the beer and vodka in his veins.  
Hyungwon hugs him tight.

"I lost you in the crowd and since you left drunk without me I thought something had happened in your way home. I'm glad you're not dead in a ditch. It's still Halloween after all, people are crazy."

Wonho smiles and he does not reply. Hyungwon is so caring and he's so lucky to have him.

The next morning never came. Or at least not the morning Hoseok expected.

The sun is still lighting up the world but something has changed. It's only eleven in the morning when Hoseok receives a call and it's only eleven in the morning when he literally falls on the cold hard ground with knives in his heart. It's only eleven in the morning when Hyungwon finds him crying in pain under his desk, sobbing and screaming. Hyungwon tries to calm him down but he seems to not understand. Only after a long time, Wonho speaks out.

Minhyuk, one of his dearest friends, was found dead. His body was rescued from his bathtub, the water red because of the incredible amount of blood. Suicide they say. He cut his veins, that's what they think even if he has clearly a deep wound on his chest.

They say that he was still smiling. Wonho is broken. He can't move on. The funeral is even worse. People are crying everywhere. The church has never been that crowded. He's suffocating his tears. When they are burying his grave, Hyungwon holds Hoseok's hand. Wonho is wretched, but he knows he has somebody he can rely on.

Lunchtime at the fast-food down the street is not the same without Minhyuk but he and his friends still have reunions there. They're trying to feel better anyway. Months are flying away and in a blink of an eye it's Christmas.

"You guys are officially invited at my humble house on Christmas Eve!" Jooheon is solemnly saying.

They are all enthusiastic even if it would be their first time without an important part of their group. Hoseok doesn't want to go and Hyungwon gets it but he thinks Hoseok can't let himself go. He has to live.

"I'm in!" Hyungwon replys with strength. If Hyungwon goes Hoseok goes too. Everybody knows it. That's why his friends are looking at him with some expections. Wonho nods. He always loses against Hyungwon.

"Then I'll be there too."

The 25th is right on the corner and Hoseok perceives suspicious vibes from Hyungwon. During their shifts he's more talkative than usual, he showers Hoseok with questions. Even personal ones. Hyungwon even asks for his favourite colour. Wonho does not have a favourite colour but Hyungwon doesn't give up.  
The day before Christmas Eve Wonho wakes up early. He's cold. It's raining and the raindrops falling outside have his full attention. He's about to go to work when he finds his face immersed in white roses. Their perfume is great. Hyungwon is standing next to his door holding a pretty bouquet. Hoseok is moved. He starts crying. Hyungwon is scared he's done something wrong.

"Maybe... you don't like this kind of roses?" He asks lightly. Hoseok kisses him in response and Hyungwon's worries are gone.

Wonho wants more. He needs a deeper contact. He makes an attempt to take off Hyungwon's shirt but he stops him.

"Let's go to work, we're gonna talk about this later." He smirks and Hoseok is even more in love.

It's Christmas Eve and they are all reunited at Jooheon's home. The first snow of the year covers Seoul of an ethereal white. The whole city is dressed up like a stereotype: the peaceful snow on the Christmas trees all around, people singing, kids waiting for their presents, families having their special dinners, it looks like a picture postcard.

Hoseok is amusingly looking at Kihyun cooking for all them from behind the door, Kihyun who is punctually disturbed by Shownu who pretends to help while he ends up eating random food in the kitchen. Kihyun keeps scolding him but Shownu just laughs from his heart.

"Stop stealing chocolate! It's for later!"

Kihyun is upset but Shownu is not even worried.

"You talk like that every morning." Hyunwoo tells him hugging the other one from behind.

"Shut your mouth. They could hear you."

"So? Do you think I care?"

"You don't but I do."

Kihyun looks annoyed but he does not pull him back when Shownu goes for a light kiss on his lips.

Hoseok feels like he shouldn't watch that but he's somehow glad those two are together, even if they don't want them to know.

"Are you okay?"

Hyungwon is staring at him. He looks distressed.

"Yep! What about you? You seem worried." Hoseok simply replys.

"Since you didn't want to come today but I made you come, I was worried and..."

"I'm good."

Hoseok is sincere and Hyungwon gets it.  
"A mistletoe!" Changkyun is screaming from the living room and both of them look confused what's above us. That little cute plant is towering their heads putting some embarrassment into them.

"You two have to kiss, I don't make the rules." Changkyun keeps saying determined. His words attract Jooheon and the others who are now watching them entertained.

"What are you waiting for?" Jooheon presses them hiding his fun.

Hyungwon suddenly pulls Wonho closer and he kisses him so gently in front of their friends that Wonho is actually surprised.

He doesn't know how much time passes until he hears Kihyun saying something about how lovely couples make him sick, Shownu pushes him slightly.

The night goes and for the first time after a while it feels good.

When Hyungwon and Hoseok are back home it's right after midnight.

They're in front of Hyungwon's door talking about the night they have just spent. Maybe it's the wine Wonho has drunk, maybe it's the Christmas air which turns him to a bold type, he kisses Hyungwon. He is concentrated on his neck and he's soon addicted to Hyungwon's perfume. His hands are all over his chest and he precipitously starts unbottoning his shirt.

"Wait..." Hyungwon whispers searching frenetically for the doorknob.

Heavy breaths are their companions until they reach Hyungwon's bedroom. Wonho does not pay attention to his house, all he cares about he's the guy who's leading him in there.

The following days Wonho is delighted thinking about Hyungwon's body pressed to his chest, he's still excited thinking about his moans, he's thrilled about how their souls tied together trough their bodies. He's electric when he pictures in his mind Hyungwon screaming breathlessly his name holding the sheets tight. Hoseok has still scars from Hyungwon's nails harassing with lust his back.

Their relationship is getting serious and Wonho is ready to embrace it.

Time flies, they would say and that's exactly what happens. Time flies and being so close to someone is weird but in a nice way. Wonho has never been with someone like that. He had girlfriends and boyfriends like everyone else but he has never gone that far. He's never said those famous three words and now he says them every day, every hour he spends with the one he calls the love of his life. Hyungwon's heart beats faster every time.

One day, they are both having breakfast in Hoseok's kitchen and they just turn on the tv. Soon a report about a guy who killed a man starts. The journalist is talking and Wonho seems under a spell as soon as the programme shows the photos of the body. He can't do anything but think about Minhyuk. He is still convinced he was murdered.

"Is everything alright?" Hyungwon asks. Wonho is so concentrated that he doesn't get the alteration in his voice tone.

"He killed another man. How could he?" Wonho mutters speechless.

"Maybe he had reasons."

Hoseok turns his head to Hyungwon.

"What?"

"Humans can do wrong things sometimes. Maybe something happened." He keeps saying serious.

"He killed a man. He ended another one's life. Do you think this is fair?"

Hyungwon hesitates for a moment.

"I don't of course."

They never talked about that again.

Being with Hyungwon means for Wonho getting to know him better. It's late at night. They're just laying on Hoseok's bed after animated hours spent learning more about their bodies. Wonho is casually caressing Hyungwon's head and the boy seems like a sweet kitten. Soon he falls asleep and Wonho is amazed by the view. He's so angelic. His face is so spectacular Hoseok thinks he won't ever seen something that beautiful.

Hyungwon is sleeping so quietly Hoseok is afraid of moving, he doesn't want him to wake up so he just falls asleep too watching at the perfect guy who has his head on his pearly chest.

Although Hyungwon wakes up.

He's crying, tears are streaming down his face. He can't breath and Hoseok tries to help him. Hyungwon is keeping his head between his hands like he's scared of loosing it. His breath is not regular and the walls are turning all around him. He screams. Hoseok is sure this is a panic attack. He does want to help, but he doesn't know what to do.

Wonho holds him tight. Hyungwon seems to calm down. They don't talk. Then after a little, Hoseok asks.

"Hyungwon, what were you dreaming?"

Hyungwon shakes his head but when his eyes encounters Wonho's ones he takes a deep breath as he speaks.

"My mother. I was dreaming about her."

Hoseok is still confused so with a sign he encourages Hyungwon to keep going.

"I was seven. I was a little kid. People don't even have memories about their time as children but I do. My mother was... a difficult woman. She drank, she didn't pay attention to her family. She was an hurricane. I was seven and my mom and me were alone at home that day. My father was abroad for work like he always was. I needed her because I couldn't open a bottle of water. I called for her but it seemed she didn't listen. I think it was raining because I remember draughts from the windows. I reached the bathroom door. I heard sounds so I wanted to enter. I knew my mom was there but the door was locked."

Hyungwon stops for a minute and Wonho waits. He doesn't want to force him.

"I kept calling her but all I could hear were laughs and cries. I was scared. I don't know how it happened but I opened the door. I wished I never did that. She wasn't there. That was a monster. Her eyes were completely possessed. I asked her what was wrong. She laughed at me. I saw her cutting her veins. She had deep cuts on his arms and bruises all over her body. She looked insane. I remember tears. I remember that I touched her arm and she didn't say anything. Everything was bleeding out. I stayed there trying to talk to her until I got that she was gone. I was terrified. I fell on the floor and my shirt got dirty of my mother's blood. I screamed then someone broke in the apartment. I don't remember anything after that moment. My father never came back and I lived with an adoptive family even if they didn't like me that much. As soon as I turned eighteen I went away. I don't know why I'm telling this to you but..."

He can't continue because more tears are treating his eyes. Hoseok is astounded. He wants to say something. He wants to comfort Hyungwon but words seem useless. He let him cry. And Hyungwon cries for hours. Wonho is wrecked. When Hyungwon falls asleep again, exhausted, he promises himself that he will never leave Hyungwon alone like his family did.

Valentine's Day is coming and Wonho is worried since it's the first time he's spending Valentine's Day with someone, and not a common someone.

Hyungwon is being more affectionate lately. Also he opens himself to Hoseok even more. He talks about his life, his childhood and Wonho is relieved Hyungwon trusts him.

Wonho is thinking about a possible gift for his boyfriend (it's still weird referring to Hyungwon like that) but he has no clues at all. Seoul is full of roses and their smell is everywhere. At the end of the day, Hoseok finally finds something for Hyungwon. He suddenly remembers about a book he was talking about and he just takes it. Simple but effective.

"Oh! I'm sorry!"

Hoseok says when he bumps against a guy, on his way home. He blinks when he recognises Changkyun in that guy. He gives him a look. He is in a rush, his hair are totally messed up. His cheeks are red, he was obviously running.

"Changkyun! What are you doing?"

Hoseok asks it before noticing what his friend is holding. A blue and small letter takes his attention. A little heart on it makes Wonho smile.

"Is that for someone in particular?"

Changkyun now is blushing. He starts talking so fast that Hoseok doesn't get a word.

"Boy, calm down and explain."

"It's for Jooheon. We kissed. Wow, it's incredible when I say it out loud. By the way, we kissed yesterday and I ran away without a single word so this is for him and... is that book for you? Do you like reading?"

Hoseok had a feeling that letter was for Jooheon. He usually pays attention to his friends and their dynamics. He knows Changkyun likes Jooheon and he knows Jooheon is dying for Changkyun. Their chemistry is just too strong for them to be regular friends. They spends so much time together and it looks like they need each other to survive this poor world.

Hoseok gives Changkyun thumbs up and his friend continues his way to Joohen's house.  
"Changkyun!" Hoseok calls raising his voice.

Changkyun stops and turns his head to Wonho.

"Remember to use protections!"

Changkyun, with his usual elegance, reserves him a middle finger which explains his reaction better than words.

When Hoseok calls his younger friend two days later, nobody answers to the phone. Hoseok has spent his days with Hyungwon enjoying their time as a couple, but now he wants to know about his friend's destiny. Wonho is surprised when he doesn't see anybody at the fast-food down the street, and he's even more confused when also Jooheon doesn't seem to have the intention to pick up his phone.

Those two escaped for a romantic honeymoon?  
Wonho's thoughts are brutally interrupted by Kihyun who is calling him.

Again, the world falls apart. Again, the sun upon his head seems cold. Again, he feels that screaming is not enough. Again, he's laying down on the floor of a filthy place. A man is asking him if it's all okay when obviously nothing is okay.

He needs fresh air but he can't move. He thought the terror wasn't going to make visits anymore. He was wrong. He passes out. The last thing he remembers is Hyungwon taking him somewhere.

Hoseok doesn't attend Changkyun's funeral. He can't. Police found him with a bullet in the head. Hoseok can't handle it. Shownu said to him Jooheon is completely broken. He's locked in his room for days and he doesn't want to talk to anyone. They were together before his beloved died. As soon as Changkyun left his house, he left for good.

Hyungwon tries to help Hoseok recovering at first but it's all for nothing. The breach Minhyuk's death opened seems too deep to be filled.

Then Hyungwon starts acting distant. He looks absent even at work but Wonho is too enclosed in his world of desperation he doesn't notice. He has locked himself in a prison that he doesn't want to escape. Police is useless, Hoseok thinks. Those cops still can't find his friend's murderer. A whole year passes by and the case is being archived. Sometimes Wonho hears Hyungwon crying. Hoseok knows his troubles are related to his childhood so sometimes he just lets him cry without saying a word. Also, Hoseok is too broken to help others.

"We wanted to say goodbye." Kihyun is saying at Hoseok's door with his suitcase ready to go who knows where.

"We're going to live in Europe" Shownu adds talking to Wonho and Hyungwon "We found a job and maybe it's better if we leave since..." Shownu stops.

"Hope we can meet again someday!" Kihyun hugs Wonho so tight that his whispering comes to Wonho's ear very clear: "I still don't trust him."  
Hoseok pretends he said nothing and he just hopes the best for his friends. He's happy they're a couple and they let others know about it.

Other months fly away and Hoseok still doesn't get news from Jooheon. He doesn't know if he's in town or not. At a certain point, he just gives up. He stops searching for his old friend. All those deaths have torn them apart.  
But Wonho still has Hyungwon.

Their relationship strangely improved. When the others decided to leave, everything turned back just the way it was. Hyungwon was again the one Hoseok met years ago.

After those disgraceful events, Wonho is finally living.

They're closer than ever. They're even meeting new people, they're restarting their life once again.

When Hoseok proposes to Hyungwon, he immediately says yes.

It's almost September. It's raining outside and Hoseok is waiting for Hyungwon who is currently buying them dinner. He's laying on Hyungwon's couch and his mind is so relaxed he can't believe it. He gives a look at his ring which is shining under the soft light which is illuminating the dark room.

It's been half an hour and Hyungwon isn't home yet. Hoseok stands up and reaches for the phone to call him. He doesn't find the phone so he searches for it everywhere. Until he sees something.

He opens a drawe and he's astonished. Is that for self defence? It has to be. He's looking at the metal object which is creating a hole in his stomach. He's feeling a fear he's never felt before and he doesn't understand why. It's like that little black gun is warning him. He can't breath. He's trying but it seems like air isn't enough. His heart is racing and his chest is burning.

"Sorry! It's raining and the traffic is insane, I just..." Hyungwon stops and he lets the bags fall on the ground.

Hoseok glances at him. His eyes are cold as stone.

"What is this?"

Hyungwon is standing there and the door is still open.

"What is this?" Hoseok says again but he's screaming now.

Hyungwon closes the door but he's still there, silent.

Flames are devouring Hoseok's soul and he wants to cry and let it all out. Hyungwon isn't answering and that's worse. Hoseok is thinking something wilde but he doesn't want to believe his savage mind.

"You didn't kill them, right?" He whispers but Hyungwon hears it clearly. The whisper is rumbling in that room.

"You didn't. Why am I asking? I'm being so stupid. You're Hyungwon. You're a good person. You didn't kill our friends."

Hoseok is out of control and he's talking without rest trying to convince himself. Hyungwon sees his mental health leaving him.  
He keeps going. Endlessly.

"I did."

The truth just happens. In the simplest way possibile. It's just out. Wonho stops talking and the silence is even less sustainable.

"Hyungwon, stop joking. You didn't kill them. You didn't kill my friends, my family. You didn't kill me!" his voice is raising and Hyungwon is only listening "You didn't do that. You didn't destroy their lives and my life! You didn't break down my entire life! My identity! You didn't. It'd be insane. You're not crazy. You love me. Am I wrong? You didn't! Tell me you didn't, please!"

He's angry, he's furious, Hyungwon has never seen him like that. He's mad and he's begging him to say what he wants to hear, but Hyungwon can't fulfil his wishes. He just can't.  
So he starts crying. And it's a desperate crying. It's like he's vomiting his heart out. He's having a nervous breakdown and it's so obvious. Wonho can't stop and he keeps yelling at him words which are destroying everything.

"I'm sorry!" Hyungwon declares suffocating with his own tears.

"I... I just wanted to be your one and only. Nobody has ever loved me before. I'm... I didn't mean to kill them. I don't know why I did that. I didn't want to end up like this. I was jealous and I was wrong but it wasn't me. It's like another me did that... please believe me!"

Hoseok gives a punch against the wall with strength and he hurts himself. The immaculate white wall is now painted red.

He can't think. Insistent thoughts have conquered his brain. He keeps screaming until he just stops.

Hyungwon is falling, but Hoseok is walking slowly to him. He sits next to him. He kisses his forehead so gently Hyungwon is surprised and he's not crying anymore.

They remain tight in that toxic hug until they fall asleep.

-

_"Dear Hoseok,_  
_It's been a year since I'm here. Don't think I hate you. You had to do it. I had to be arrested. I'm not good and, most important, I'm not good enough to stay by your side. We have psychologists and doctors here. Mine said I'm bipolar and that my childhood was too rough for me. They said I'm too damaged and I'm not stable at all. I'm sorry for what I did and I didn't mean to hurt you or to hurt Changkyun or Minhyuk. I actually liked them. I did. I'm glad you visited me last Christmas and I'm not gonna lie: my heart broke when you didn't show up again after that day. I guess it's painful to see me. I loved you. Even if my mind is a whole mess I can say for sure that I loved you and I still love you. That's why I keep writing letters to you even if they can't reach you. Now is different. I did something for a guy in jail and he said this letter will be sent so here I am. I want to thank you because for the first time in my life I felt loved. You were my sanity and my safety. I'm sorry because I ruined you. I hope you'll fall in love with someone better than me. Please, live. I hope we can meet again. Maybe in another life. I'm saying goodbye to you. This is my last day on this earth. I can't trust my mind anymore. I love you Shin Hoseok. I love you Wonho._

_Always yours, Chae Hyungwon."_

Hoseok loved him too.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!  
> I don't know why I wrote this fic. Honestly this is insane and I can't say if this is good or not. I liked the concept even if it's obviously the representation of something which is toxic so. I hope I didn't mess this up.  
> I'd like to know your opinions. Comments and kudos are always accepted!


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